I really don't know where to being writing this post. There is so much I could say, but really one sentence sums it all up; "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God"
[[Ephesians 2:8]].
[[Ephesians 2:8]].
365 days ago I was dead.
I loved being dead, spending time with people who were dead, and I was running as fast as I could to eternal death.
I loved being dead, spending time with people who were dead, and I was running as fast as I could to eternal death.
One year ago, when I stepped onto the bus headed to Glorietta, New Mexico, for what I knew to be my final time going there as a student in Oneighty, I anticipated a few things; getting to spend the week with my friends and boyfriend, playing games, and just the overall 'fun' that is summer camp. Unaware as to what that week would truly bring, and how it would change my life forever. Eighteen hours later, we arrived and thus began the check in routine that was oh-so-familiar. The normal camp routine began; unpacking, eating meals, teaching, small groups, games, rain, injuries, laughing and minimal amounts of sleep.
On the morning of July 28th, halfway through the week, Rick Holland preached a message entitled "Uneclipsing the Son" (which has now blossomed into a book, you can buy that here; I highly recommend it.) His point was to challenge us by asking the questions "What is blocking you from the full splendor and glory of Jesus Christ?" and "What sins are you holding on to that are inhibiting you from either growth, or true salvation?". I knew the answer immediately. As soon as it popped into my head I began to rationalize; groping around in the dark to try to find an excuse to keep my sin, and appease my conscience. I didn't find one satisfactory, so i simply put the thought out of my mind.
That night, the staff surprised us by announcing that Christian rapper 'Lecrae' was there to preform. I went into the performance, and after finishing the first song, he started talking to us. Explaining how we hold on so tightly to the things of the world, thinking they will give us happiness and worth; some sort of meaning and satisfaction. Urging those in the crowd to repent who had not found their identity in Christ. I knew he was talking to me and about me. Finally, after seventeen years of living for self, my eyes were opened to see that I wasn't truly a follower of Christ. I loved stuff, and people, and myself; but most of all I loved my sin.
I ran to find my small group leader, who wisely questioned me and laid the truth on me. As much as it hurt, it was the Lord showing me my sin, in a light I had never seen it in before - in light of his holiness. I always knew in my head that the Lord was perfect, but that night my heart knew it. Frightening as it was, I cried out to the Lord and begged Him to save me from myself, and asking to be redeemed in Christ, that I may submit my life totally under his control.
" If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9
The only reason I can sit here, typing these words today, is because the Lord is faithful and just, and has cleansed me from MY unrighteousness. The Lord is the one who has enabled me to forsake my sin for His sake; to hate sin and love Him. Naturally I am a lover of self and a enemy of God. Only He can reconcile me to Himself.
He is the one who has made me alive.
Looking back over the past year and seeing how the Lord has transformed my life, is amazing. I could not have done it on my own. Enough knowledge or behavior modification couldn't have saved me, let alone changed my heart. I really have no words for it. I fail often, struggle daily, and often need rebuke. But through it all the Lord has been faithful and loving to me, illuminating my eyes to see truth, and has set a beat in my heart to love Him.
I have no idea why He would choose to save me, but He has, and His work continues daily, in ways I can't comprehend.
I just really love my Savior; He is the perfect redeemer, and ever faithful to Himself.
I can not look back to July 28th and the events that took place that day in order to have confidence in my salvation. I look to the cross firstly, and to the Resurrection of Christ, which have secured redemption for those who believe. Secondly I look at the new heart the Lord has given me. I myself am a reminder that it is not of myself, but an unmerited, undeserved gift from the Lord. By Him I am a new creature.
I can not look back to July 28th and the events that took place that day in order to have confidence in my salvation. I look to the cross firstly, and to the Resurrection of Christ, which have secured redemption for those who believe. Secondly I look at the new heart the Lord has given me. I myself am a reminder that it is not of myself, but an unmerited, undeserved gift from the Lord. By Him I am a new creature.
"The LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with his love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
Zephaniah 3:17
Stepping off that bus three days later, back in Los Angeles, was a whole different story. I looked forward to having the Lord work in me, and seeing which path He would direct me to, and how the rest of my life would play out.
Life, for me, began 365 days ago, and will continue for eternity. On this Earth for a short time, but with my Savior forever.
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Life, for me, began 365 days ago, and will continue for eternity. On this Earth for a short time, but with my Savior forever.
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"I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living.
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."
||Psalm 27:13-14||
Wait for the LORD;
Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."
||Psalm 27:13-14||
